OMFG BANANA-BLUE BREAD
Bread is perhaps the most classic of foods,
Jesus broke it, we have it in different ways at different occasions. We have it with soup, spreads, and fill up on it before meals at restaurants. There’s rye bread
robbing old ladies for rye
, Challah bread (SO good, thank you Jewish people) , and probably lots of other breads.
All this time while bread is basking in glory, off in a lonely fruit stand corner, or perhaps sitting atop some elaborate tropical headgear, there is the banana.
To whoever decided these two food items would make a good couple, you are a genius, and you will make me fat.
BUT NOT WITH THIS KIND! There’s no butter OR oil, cause it’s all healthy ‘n’ shit – but still delicious.
This version is fun, colourful, and inventive. It will be as if original banana bread had a sexy second cousin named Blueberry, and maybe they do things at night because they’re not blood related, so there’s a chance their offspring will turn out okay.
STEP 1: LET BANANAS GET DISGUSTING
classic banana bread requires for you to use bananas as black as a night sky in the wilderness, or like a banana that has been sitting out too long.
STEP 2: MASHY TIME
Combine 2 eggs with 3 disgusting bananas and MASHY!
In another bowl, combine 2 cups of flour, a teaspoon of salt, 3/4 cup white sugar, and a teaspoon of baking soda….
What the hell does baking soda do anyway? I don’t know. Just stir it in and accept it for the mystery it is.
STEP 3: PUT THE GOO IN THE FLUFF
By the way, you should have pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees like 10 minutes ago…
Dump the banana-egg mixture into the flour mixture.
This mix can get a little dry
with the whole, no oil thing, so add 1/4 cup of milk if you’re feelin it.
STEP 4: GET CREATIVE
Now, rebel against the standard rules of banana bread. This part of the procedure is the PARTY. Make your banana bread like a fucking pinata if you want!
Don’t let tradition hold you back, you can add stuff like cinnamon, nutmeg, applesauce, walnuts, other nuts, something crazy like coconut, I added blueberries AND chocolate chips
Now, if you want muffins, pour into a buttered muffin pan, if you want bread, pour into a bread pan, aaaand oven it up for 20-30 minutes.
I chose muffins.
STEP 5: OPTIONAL DECOR
Stick a toothpick in to make sure it comes out clean and they aren’t mush in the centers. When your muffins are done and your house smells amazing, you may or may not wish to add decoration to the tops before they cool. I used Banana Chips.
It was a good choice.
Animal of the Week: Janitor Dog
NOT to be confused with The Dog Janitor, which is a company that cleans your dog shit. This is much different. This is a dog that cleans your shit. His name is Neo, he’s like a Matrix puppy from some kind of janitor Matrix!
Sad Keanu lost job to Janitor Dog
What more could you ask for? No longer are you burdened by having to get up off the easy-boy chair and carry your crushed cans of Coors (and/or Bud) Light all the way to the recycling bin. Or if you’re a real monster, the regular garbage.
Reuse Reduce and Recycle
But really, this is the most effective anti-littering campaign I’ve ever seen. Who wants to make the innocent little puppy do dirty work, pushing his little cart on his little legs with his little broom. Aww he so little.
He should be hired to appear on Hoarders , then the ratings would really fly.
proper training looks like this.
Now available in Otter:
Office cats and you
Let us discuss the benefits of housing a small feline in your work environment.
Why is this perfect? I will tell you. A cat does not give a shit about you. It won’t bother you while you’re working, it won’t beg you to take it for a walk moments before a client meeting, it will just be present.
They boost morale
Happy workers are better workers. Kittens evoke happiness wherever they go. How can you not feel joy when a kitten stumbles into the room, maybe chasing its own tail like a really small drunk person, but cuter and covered in fluff.
Lolcats
With a cat in the office, you have endless opportunities to take photos of it in compromising positions, and make your very own lolcat captions.
Cats can be tables
What’s better than a table with stuff on it? That’s right, a cat with stuff on it.
If there’s an entire website dedicated to it, like stuffonmycat.com, it must be worth doing. Daily.
Cats = the internet
We work in online, the internet is our home and playground. That being said, we have to take into consideration… The internet fucking loves cats.
Mo’ support needed
MOvember is where noble men look like porn stars and pedophiles from the 70’s during the month of November, and all for a good cause. Even Yoshi is participating.
MO'shi
He’s feelin’ punchy and ready to punch prostate cancer right in the prostate. Here at SapientNitro Toronto, we made our own little tribute to MOvember. The girls and I tried to grow a mustaches for November but nothing is happening yet, so we relied on an iPhone app from the Cassius video to help us out a little with showing our support in the form of a ‘mo.
http://player.vimeo.com/video/17014272
SapientNitro Toronto – MOvember – I love you so! from Natalie Gooding on Vimeo.
Published Down Undah
I have an affinity for Australia for a number of reasons. Kangaroos, the didgeridoo, Wallabies 
, Chris Lilley, a vast expanse of extraordinarily venomous yet fascinating creatures, the word bogan, and now I have possibly the best reason yet. They published one of my short stories on Australian Reader!
It’s called What Do You Know, check’er out
> Let’s get bogan
Send me to Costa Rica.
In grade 10, I missed a class trip to Costa Rica and was left forever resentful. I can’t even remember why I missed it now, I’m sure it was partially to do with parents convincing themselves that I would surely be attacked by a group of vicious monkeys, go riplining into a tree, and/or plummet over a waterfall in my dinghy. However, gravity, among other forces have always lured me South. It’s warm, it’s different, full of the unknown and truths to be learned, stuff I wouldn’t be able to fathom unless I went there for myself. Most importantly, there is stuff that needs to be done, stuff we can actually do. I’m talkin’ beneficial, life changing action for both ourselves and the people of Costa Rica in different but equally satisfying ways. Tons of fortunate people take vacations every year to places like Cuba, Dominican Republic, and Costa Rica, and still many never get a chance to leave their resorts and truly experience the country itself, or meet the people and understand their culture and the way they live. There is a misconception that associates these countries with elaborate buffets, sun and pools, fully stocked bars and pineapples carved to look like exotic fish.
Then I discovered a travel blog run by lad called Nomadic Matt, who seems to share this way of thinking about travelling. He travels to learn and gain experiences and make differences. He brings back invaluable memories and potentially life changing stories to share, instead of just a nice tan.
...Or a not-so-nice tan
Nomadic Matt has decided to give his following the chance to see what he’s seen, and is running a contest alongside the admirable travel and tourism company, G.A.P. Adventures. I want this trip because I want to experience and share the beauty of the real Costa Rica, it’s culture and people. Sometimes when on vacation, we’re left with the impression that these countries are limited to their beautiful resorts and beaches, but there is so much more to see. I can’t stand being locked in a resort knowing that all that new and unique culture is just outside the gates. I want to go on a trip that doesn’t mask anything, even though I probably won’t get attacked by monkeys r go over a waterfall, at least make it a possibility.
It’s the real, raw experiences that far outweigh relaxing on a beach. As nice as it is to do nothing, it feels way better to do something, which is exactly what I hope to get out of this trip. I would want to return with knowledge about locals, how they live, how they eat, what they do, the culture, the climate – everything and/or anything! It’s not just the country and people you would be learning about, I think this trip would teach me a lot about myself as well. Everyone has their limits but few have actually reached what they are. I think we are capable of things we don’t even know we can do until faced with that situation. Being thrust into a completely new environment forces us to become open minded. I want to do it, talk about it, document it, and maybe inspire someone else to gain a similar experience. The more parts of the world we see and experience firsthand, the better understanding we’ll have of each other.
Play Time
This past Sunday… My brain exploded.
A small group of playwrights and wannabe playwrights (hai that’s me), gathered together at the Alumnae Theatre on Friday for something called “Write Now” (get it?!)
A retired fireman named Gary Wignall sat us all down and gave us a talking to for about an hour. He was cool. He reminded of a New Yorker for some reason. He just had a genuine, experienced coolness vibe going on. He talked about the history of firefighting in Toronto starting from the 1800’s all the way up to now.
DID YOU KNOW: The Alumnae Theatre used to be a fire station in 190-something?
Here are some things I learned from Gary…
-People used to have buckets outside their house filled with water in case of fire and they were called the Bucket Brigade. Cute.
-Almost all of them were volunteer
-At one point they had no masks
-One time, a fire station caught fire (lolz) and all the firemen continued their meetings in a tavern across the street.
I was disappointed I didn’t hear anything about a pet Dalmation… Why were they firedogs in the first place? And how come you never see them today? Doesn’t anyone own Dalmations anymore? WTF where are all the Dalmations?
how come you don't love me anymore
Anyway, we were given 48 hours to write a 10 minute play that could be inspired from any snippet, small or large, that Gary said. Anything at all that set off a creative spark. One thing he said was that if somebody had used up all their sick days, they could get other people to go in and work their hours. That was the starting point for my play.
I totally lucked out and got set up with a great director who totally got what I was trying to say. She hit the nail on the head, nail’d it! It’s crazy….CRAZY awesome to see something that spawned from your own random thought in your imagination and then have it come alive in front of your eyes like the Frankenstein monster by people who actually know what they’re doing. I was so excited I think part of my brain melted. The cast was also perfection. But more excitingly, one of them runs another little biz-nass called Jammin’ On The One, and he wants to stage it! It would be performed (SANS scripts in hand) Spring 2010. No jokes.
Operation Radish Ambush: Part II
The ambush, has begun. If you haven’t heard the background, read Operation Radish Ambush Part I.
Senor Loco has been dutifully watering all the plants, but this time I didn’t even mind that I had to walk under the man-made waterfall which is a result of him facing the sprinkler directly at my door, because he was caring for radishes without even knowing he was doing it. Consider it paying his dues for consciously uprooting my previous radish plant.
The Rambush is upon us! Check out how they’re doing.
Wait ’til the mint gets in there. It’s just the beginning!
Twitter + People = Tweeple
Side gigs are fun. Especially when they’re about shit I enjoy discussing already, like music and movies and gossip. That’s what Tweeple Magazine is. They are a start up social media company, having a little fun with an online magazine combining news/celeb news, with the overwhelming popularity of Twitter.
Some articles I’ve written for them so far are:
Lindsay Lohan flashed everyone on Twitter. Soo basically, the world (again).
MC Hammer has a reality show. … umm….yeah.
Twitter: The Movie. I don’t know what I’d rather watch, this or MC Hammer’s show.
And, Disney joining Twitter. YAY!
IT’S TIME
Made into the 2009 Summer edition wooop
Check out an odd little tale I wrote a few years ago on The Smoking Poet.
Second story down. It had to be edited way way down in order to meet the 1000 word limit, the original is even more hammered than this.
Kate's pow-wow 