Operation Radish Ambush Part I

June 13, 2009 at 1:16 pm (crazy, Gossip, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Picture 2
Here’s the background story. My neighbor and I don’t like each other. He is a fucking crazy Mexican, so I will refer to him as Senor Loco instead of his real name. Which is all well and good, because Senor Loco might as well be his real name. He’s been evicted from previous places for fighting with people so I know it’s not just me.
Here is a list of things Senor Loco does on a regular basis:

-Vacuums 3 x a day or more, starting at 6am

-Separates all laundry based not only on colour, but items too. Socks with pants? Never going to happen.

-Also does approximately 3+ loads of laundry per day. Set on full water, and hot. Even if it’s just for 5 washcloths. That actually happened.

-Leaves me angry letters duct taped to the walls of the lobby, filled with CAPS and exclamation marks!!!!

-Faces the sprinkler toward my back door door, and on the steps above, creating a waterfall I have to pass through if I want to leave.
lolcatsprinkler

-Can’t go down the stairs if there’s a footprint on them. Someone has to come clean it before he can step.

-One night the landlord called to make sure I was alive, because “he is the type of person who might, do something…” WTF.

-Windex’s the stairs and door. Every. Day. They’re not glass.

-Screams in Spanish on the phone. Everyday.

-Stole my shoe rack to make a mini gate around his garden (which will soon be ambushed)

-Lurks.

-Waits until our 5ft recycling bin weighs 200lbs, then asks me why I don’t carry it down to the street.

-Calls the landlord to complain about me, then calls me to complain about the landlord.

-Has a different young male partner – not that there’s anything wrong with that – over every single day of the week, who come over in rental cars then are never seen again…

-Broke into my house one time and took my dog.

He basically owns the backyard garden. I’ve accepted that he has completely taken it over, and will admit, thanks to his OCD it looks quite lovely. He plants all his flowers and little mini trees, and I-don’t-know-what plants. He maintains it, waters it when it’s raining (water conservation fail), and keeps everything looking bright.

All that is very nice. I had one, ONE, plant that I cherished. It was a radish plant, and it was seriously awesome. Like a mega radish plant, with apparent super strength that grew really fast and still looked pretty. To give a little perspective, if Batman transformed into a plant, he’d be this radish.

I’ve always wanted to grow a summer vegetable garden, and this year when I finally did, I was enthralled when the radishes especially flourished.
In the back of my head there was a fear that Senor Loco would uproot the precious radishes, due to his constant heavy maintenance of the yard. He would immediately recognize anything alien. Anything NOT planted by him = not welcome. So I circled them with rocks to make them stand out and show that they were obviously something meant to be there, and not weeds or anything like that.

However… The other day, to my HORROR, I saw a bunch of crushed little red things (like my heart) in the dirt on the opposite side of the lawn, and immediately went to check the rock circle.

radish graveyard

radish graveyard


heyy....is something missing?

heyy....is something missing?


As suspected, my radishes were GONE. Uprooted, radishnapped. Enraged, I thought of my options. I could either…
A) calmly inform him of what he’d done.
B) Go mental and rip out all his flowers
C) dump the remainder (and then some) of the seeds throughout the garden, resulting in a surprise epic radish attack in a few weeks, when I will already be moved out.

I figured if I went with A, he wouldn’t really care, and although B was tempting, it’s not the flower’s fault their keeper is batshit crazy.
Thus, Operation Radish Ambush was born.
This guy gets away with quite a bit of ridiculousness, but murdering my radishes is the straw the broke the camel’s back… I think that’s how that expression goes, but what I’m really trying to say is,
FUCK YOU NEIGHBOR, YOU’RE GETTING RADISH AMBUSHED… You’re getting RAMBUSHED.
I’ve also heard that mint, and strawberries spread like swine flu, so maybe I’ll throw in some of those. It will look like Christmas. (Christmas from hell).

PS. YES I’ve gone over the possibilities of animal attacks. It was the Senor.

OPERATION RADISH AMBUSH II

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Because it’s Monday…

May 11, 2009 at 8:49 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

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Bell tech support

April 21, 2009 at 5:06 pm (Failing, Tech) (, , , , , , , , , )

I predicted talking to Bell tech support would be an epic fail so I decided to record it.

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ZOMFG!!1

April 20, 2009 at 1:29 am (dating, Interwebs) (, , , , , , , )

Okay so we’ve stumbled upon something on teh internets that is so awesome it almost makes me want to alter my anti-marriage opinions. It’s 2 guys from the awesome city of NY (so they already have 10 points) named Dave and Ethan (good names, another 5 points), who made a YouTube proposal in search of 2 girls (I’m a girl, and I have a friend, 10 points for me!) in search of a double date.
We saw this and had to respond immediately. HOWEVER… Our technical difficulties ranged from moderate to severe, and the majority of our content was gone…forever… But I threw something together with the salvaged footage anyway, even though it doesn’t address the gentlemen OR the date directly… Except in text …Which I had to add…Anyway, watch our response , and wish us luck in convincing the boys to come to Toronto.

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