The Hills/City Finale Wrap-up

December 2, 2009 at 7:29 pm (MTV, Rage) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

I’ll begin with the short version. It was disappointing. Both The Hills and The City were not unlike any other regular episodes. Neither of them felt like a finale of any kind. I am not pleased, because I spent a good chunk of time debating on which one I would lend my attention to, Hills/City, or the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show which was airing at the same time. I chose Hills, because I thought it would be entertaining, and would also leave me much less guilty about the bag of candy in my lap.
For those of you missed it, here’s the rundown. For those who still plan on watching it, look away now. Unless of course, you don’t give a shit or can predict what happened anyway, even though it was nothing. NOTHING HAPPENED!

The Hills

Okay. So first, Spencer and Brody are playing basketball while Spencer bitches about his evil, scheming wife. First of all, when did they even become friends again? Second, sure Spencer has right to complain about his wife trying to trick him into fatherhood, but how many shady things has he done before? He painted her apartment with graffiti, surprised her with a pinball machine (she didn’t like the pinball so it was probably more for him), picked out their house before she could get a say, and made her shut her mother out of her life. He’s pretty much the devil. I hope they don’t have that child. I think she will become pregnant in 2012 and that’s how the world will end.
Hmm then what happened… Heidi got some extensions, Audrina met with Justin Bobby and complained a lot. Neither myself, nor Justin know or care what she was talking about.

Then Kristin was all, bitching about leaving her sweet summer Barbie beach home, with Stacie the bartender who was apparently a squatter there. Who shows up to her house but Justin Bobby!

He was all like, “you do special things to me, be my girlfriend.”, and Kristin said “Okai fine.”
THENN.. Jade and Brody were at an engagement party, and Jade’s friend planted seeds in her brain that stemmed into thoughts of engagement and babies with Brody. Jade got whatever Heidi has and asked him about vomiting committing, but Brody was not having it. He was like, “Bitch, whatchu talkin’ about we just got back together an hour ago!”. On a side note, does anyone remember when he dated Nicole Richie?

That’s strange. Brody also told some of his friends that he might still want to do Kristin.
Moving on, I forget. But trust me it was nothing explosive. Lots of lead-ins with no results. The whole episode felt like when you’re about to sneeze but then you just, don’t.

The City was marginally better than The Hills. Here’s what happened. Whitney designed her own clothes and Kelly Cutrone, who I both love and fear intensely, said she was Whitney’s bitch and will help her get a meeting with supermegaimportant Bergdorf Goodman. Kelly was like, “Don’t bring your bogan friend Roxy who screws everything up”


Whitney went against the wise Ms. Cutrone’s advice and brought Roxy anyways. She wasn’t soo bad, but any good behavior is canceled out thanks to her epic fails at the photoshoot last week. Including spilling champagne on one of Whitney’s dresses. It was technically the model that spilt it, but Roxy made her hold and pop the bottle open, and models are trained to take direction. Bergdorf Goodman basically reamed Whitney out and said she used weird material and her dresses make girls look fat.
Over at Elle Magazine, Erin was a huge bitch.

I look innocent but I'm loca

She went back and re-did Olivia’s work, then when Joe asked Olivia about the new work, she didn’t know shit. Meaning Joe also didn’t know shit. And went on air… Not knowing shit. Which means when he was talking on the Today Show he was basically making shit up, and (as my Grandma would say) flying by the seat of his pants. So Remember that… Anytime you watch a talk show, people talking on it may be bullshitting.
They all went to the principal’s office (Joe Zee’s office) for a little sit down and both Erin and Olivia turned 15. They bitched and swore and Erin was all, “choose me or her cause I don’t wanna work with her and she’s not invited to my birthday party.”

Joe had to remind them this wasn’t high school, and then Erin ran out of the room. Olivia said some bullshit I forget. And I think that was the end.

pure hatred

Pretty sure that was the only stuff that happened. But there’s more nothingness to enjoy because Whitney says the City has another season!! How? Why? I don’t know. Will I watch it? Yes.


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Play Time

October 27, 2009 at 6:36 pm (Gigs, Good Things, kate, Local, Shameless Self Promotion, writing) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

This past Sunday… My brain exploded.
A small group of playwrights and wannabe playwrights (hai that’s me), gathered together at the Alumnae Theatre on Friday for something called “Write Now” (get it?!)
A retired fireman named Gary Wignall sat us all down and gave us a talking to for about an hour. He was cool. He reminded of a New Yorker for some reason. He just had a genuine, experienced coolness vibe going on. He talked about the history of firefighting in Toronto starting from the 1800’s all the way up to now.
DID YOU KNOW: The Alumnae Theatre used to be a fire station in 190-something?
Here are some things I learned from Gary…
-People used to have buckets outside their house filled with water in case of fire and they were called the Bucket Brigade. Cute.
-Almost all of them were volunteer
-At one point they had no masks
-One time, a fire station caught fire (lolz) and all the firemen continued their meetings in a tavern across the street.
I was disappointed I didn’t hear anything about a pet Dalmation… Why were they firedogs in the first place? And how come you never see them today? Doesn’t anyone own Dalmations anymore? WTF where are all the Dalmations?


how come you don't love me anymore

Anyway, we were given 48 hours to write a 10 minute play that could be inspired from any snippet, small or large, that Gary said. Anything at all that set off a creative spark. One thing he said was that if somebody had used up all their sick days, they could get other people to go in and work their hours. That was the starting point for my play.
I totally lucked out and got set up with a great director who totally got what I was trying to say. She hit the nail on the head, nail’d it! It’s crazy….CRAZY awesome to see something that spawned from your own random thought in your imagination and then have it come alive in front of your eyes like the Frankenstein monster by people who actually know what they’re doing. I was so excited I think part of my brain melted. The cast was also perfection. But more excitingly, one of them runs another little biz-nass called Jammin’ On The One, and he wants to stage it! It would be performed (SANS scripts in hand) Spring 2010. No jokes.

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Animal of the Week: Spiderman Lizard

September 21, 2009 at 6:52 pm (animals, crazy, trends, Want) (, , , , , , , , , )

watch out here comes the lizard spider man

watch out here comes the lizard spider man

Behold. It is a lizard, and it looks like Spiderman. Nothing could be more perfect, except if it were an actual spider, OR if Spiderman had been Lizardman the whole time. But it’s kind of too late for that now, he’s already too well established as Spiderman. And how would Lizardman become Lizardman? I don’t think they bite. Maybe he could get whiplash from the lizard’s tail, and it breaks the skin or something. Either way, irrelevant.

Oddly enough, in one episode of the retro Spider-Man cartoon, he and the Lizard King were actually enemies. Assuming mating would be out of the question after this, I’m not sure how Spiderman lizard came about.
This guy’s real name is the Mwanza flat-headed rock agama… But isn’t it so much more fun to say Spiderman lizard? I think so.

Facts with suggested additions about the real Spiderman Lizard.

-They’re from Sub-Saharan Africa. (We can say sewers of New York City for argument’s sake though)

-They have a diet of locusts, crickets, mealworms and waxworms. (We can say diet of criminals and street thugs for argument’s sake though)

-They can usually be seen basking on rocks in the heat of the day. (And fighting crime in alleyways in the dead of night)

-They can run on their hind legs and scale walls. (Addition not needed as this is already awesome.)

These apparently make very good pets, as if you weren’t already sold. But good luck getting one, demand is crazy and they’re sold out in most exotic pet stores. Karen Baker, the owner of a reptile specialist store in the UK says, “People are drawn to them because of their unusual colourings.”….. Yeah, maybe…Or because it looks like fucking Spiderman!

The comic fans are the most die-hard in finding this lizard as a pet. But I hope they do thorough research before buying. When the Agamas look cool, they look really cool, but these guys also turn brown a lot. What a disappointment that would be if you weren’t expecting it… Or anytime, really.

Not brown yet, still good

Not brown yet, still good

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September 3, 2009 at 3:22 pm (alcohol, animals, kate, travel) (, , , , , , , , , )

First, I went to one old place and one new place, to me. The old place was Key West. There’s a lot of personal history there, my parents met there, I got to see the house my mom lived in at the time, now it’s a jewelery store and probably looks heaps different but here it is anyway. See

My mom's old place

My mom's old place

We were on Carnival Cruise lines on a ship called Imagination. In other words, I’m on a boat, motherfuckers.

get your flippyfloppys

get your flippyfloppys

The ship staff was amazing, super attentive all the time, put on great shows, and had a great on board orchestra. I really wanted to hit on the bass player…
His name was Lee, and he played bass and he had an English accent. SOLD. Oh, and he could sing, Beatles. EXTRA SOLD.



The people were nice but it is littered with a lot of wretched excess type. I witnessed a LOT of gorging, which feels extra odd when you’re visiting countries such as our next location, Cozumel, Mexico. It was beautiful, but really really HOT. There was a little kid playing another type of Mexican bass instrument who I wanted to adopt. So cute, despite that he should have been in school during the time we saw him.



horseh does not approve of cooling method

horseh does not approve of cooling method

The food was all pretty good but the drinks weren’t included in the trip price. They are smart little bastards. They give you this card, called a “fun card” or something like that. It acts as a credit card so instead of paying for drinks and excursions in cash, you just swipe this little “fun card”, and all is well… Until that is, you get the bill. Then it’s anything but fun.
"Hey, nice drink." "Thanks, it was free with my fun card!" "OH RLY?"
It was crazy awesome to get to see the fam and be asea for a week anyway.

Next was a little trip I think of as “NYC round 2: Independence Day Edition.”

4th of, Ju-ly, Brooklyn's, on fire!

4th of, Ju-ly, Brooklyn's, on fire!

Since we are cheap bastards, we decided to take a bus to Buffalo and then fly into the city from there. We grabbed the necessities and got on board.


don't get too excited, it's just Buffalo

don't get too excited, it's just Buffalo

We met HEAPS (I learned that slang from the Aussies) of people in and around our hostel from Wales, London, Seattle, Guatemala, and Australia. We were bogans (another newly acquired Ausspeak!) and sat in the dirt and watched the sunrise on the 4th after fireworks and drinking.


We learned quickly that were in fact, watching the sunrise from the wrong side. Woteva, still good. Still good.
what's going on here?......awwwww shit.

what's going on here?......awwwww shit.

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Making the Subway Fun

April 27, 2009 at 3:11 pm (Comedy, crazy) (, , , , , , , , )

So many big smiles so early in the morning. High fives bring joy and awesomeness to the subway commute. Props to the gang at Improv Everywhere. w000t

Borat knows what sall about

Borat knows what s'all about

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April 20, 2009 at 1:29 am (dating, Interwebs) (, , , , , , , )

Okay so we’ve stumbled upon something on teh internets that is so awesome it almost makes me want to alter my anti-marriage opinions. It’s 2 guys from the awesome city of NY (so they already have 10 points) named Dave and Ethan (good names, another 5 points), who made a YouTube proposal in search of 2 girls (I’m a girl, and I have a friend, 10 points for me!) in search of a double date.
We saw this and had to respond immediately. HOWEVER… Our technical difficulties ranged from moderate to severe, and the majority of our content was gone…forever… But I threw something together with the salvaged footage anyway, even though it doesn’t address the gentlemen OR the date directly… Except in text …Which I had to add…Anyway, watch our response , and wish us luck in convincing the boys to come to Toronto.

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The Greatest City in the World.

April 14, 2009 at 8:31 pm (travel, Uncategorized) (, , , )

Times Square, NYC

Times Square, NYC

I’ve returned in one, bruised piece after my first trip to New York City. They aren’t kidding when they call it “the city that never sleeps”, but I now understand why the I heart NY icon is so popular. It’s the kind of place where the energy you feel just by being in its presence can only be understood by going there yourself.
If you should happen to be in the area, I recommend a midtown bar called Blockhead’s for $3 margarita’s and free chips and salsa.
bheadsA great atmosphere and totally cool people. Also, stop by the NYFD and say hello to the firemen of the city. nyfd
They are awesome, as are the NYPD, and they recommend some great local pubs and hangouts. Like Stout’s and O’Lunney’s where the best bartender’s are!
Times Square can be a madhouse and you’re most likely only among other tourists, but it’s still a must-see nonetheless. If your legs can handle it and you like to see everything, check out Greenwich Village and Soho for calmer, cooler vibe.
Lennon tribute in Central Park

Lennon tribute in Central Park

Pretty much all of Manhattan is a must see. I’m already planning a trip back.

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