OMFG BANANA-BLUE BREAD

May 19, 2011 at 4:09 pm (Food, Good Things, Reviews) (, , , , , , , )

Bread is perhaps the most classic of foods,

Jesus broke it, we have it in different ways at different occasions. We have it with soup, spreads, and fill up on it before meals at restaurants. There’s rye bread

robbing old ladies for rye

, Challah bread (SO good, thank you Jewish people) , and probably lots of other breads.

All this time while bread is basking in glory, off in a lonely fruit stand corner, or perhaps sitting atop some elaborate tropical headgear, there is the banana.

To whoever decided these two food items would make a good couple, you are a genius, and you will make me fat.

BUT NOT WITH THIS KIND! There’s no butter OR oil, cause it’s all healthy ‘n’ shit – but still delicious.

This version is fun, colourful, and inventive. It will be as if original banana bread had a sexy second cousin named Blueberry, and maybe they do things at night because they’re not blood related, so there’s a chance their offspring will turn out okay.

STEP 1: LET BANANAS GET DISGUSTING
classic banana bread requires for you to use bananas as black as a night sky in the wilderness, or like a banana that has been sitting out too long.

STEP 2: MASHY TIME
Combine 2 eggs with 3 disgusting bananas and MASHY!

In another bowl, combine 2 cups of flour, a teaspoon of salt, 3/4 cup white sugar, and a teaspoon of baking soda….

What the hell does baking soda do anyway? I don’t know. Just stir it in and accept it for the mystery it is.

STEP 3: PUT THE GOO IN THE FLUFF

By the way, you should have pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees like 10 minutes ago…
Dump the banana-egg mixture into the flour mixture.

This mix can get a little dry
with the whole, no oil thing, so add 1/4 cup of milk if you’re feelin it.

STEP 4: GET CREATIVE
Now, rebel against the standard rules of banana bread. This part of the procedure is the PARTY. Make your banana bread like a fucking pinata if you want!

Don’t let tradition hold you back, you can add stuff like cinnamon, nutmeg, applesauce, walnuts, other nuts, something crazy like coconut, I added blueberries AND chocolate chips
Now, if you want muffins, pour into a buttered muffin pan, if you want bread, pour into a bread pan, aaaand oven it up for 20-30 minutes.

I chose muffins.

STEP 5: OPTIONAL DECOR
Stick a toothpick in to make sure it comes out clean and they aren’t mush in the centers. When your muffins are done and your house smells amazing, you may or may not wish to add decoration to the tops before they cool. I used Banana Chips.

It was a good choice.

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The Bachelorette…

May 31, 2010 at 2:30 pm (dating, Gossip, News, Reviews, TV) (, , , , , )

Last season on the Bachelor with Jake, besides him setting a new record for the amount of tears that can be shed per episode, we also met Ali. Then they met each other. Then THIS went down..

Ali left, she chose work over love. And then, a network said she could be the next Bachelorette and have 25 guys vie for her attention, and Ali was all like, “fuck my job!”

Now she’s the bachelorette, and the 25 guys who met her once are all falling in love and they just know she is their future wife, they just know it!!!
Ali’s got a whole batch of goodness to chose from. Including a few local guys from Toronto! Too bad they’re such an epic embarrassment to the nation.

Don't worry. Rated-R is just my professional wrestling name.

One guy, Derek, but with the nickname “Shooter”, decided it would be a cute idea to confess that he got his nickname due to premature ejaculation… Shooter didn’t receive a rose. If I were in Ali’s shoes, I’d boot myself off the show, or at least ask for a do-over in the casting.

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We tried every kind of Frank’s Red Hot

March 26, 2010 at 5:38 pm (Food, Reviews) (, , , , , , , , , , )

When I see that little old lady in Frank’s Red Hot commercials who says, “I put that shit on everything,” it’s just like looking into the future.

I wholeheartedly believe that that shit can be put on everything. Stir-fry, salads, mixed into dipping sauces, pizza, on top of crackers, cereal, in cocktails, on steamed vegetables, on cheese slices, as chip dip, ice cream topper, when I say I put it on everything, I’m not playing around. My roommate and I go through Frank’s weekly.
Which is why we decided to branch out, and accept that Frank’s does in fact come in a variety of flavours.

FRANK’S® RED HOT® Chile and Lime

mmm, Limey


Initial reaction: You can’t add lime to Frank’s, that’s sabotage.

Upon further research: Alright so maybe the lime adds an interesting tang to the spiciness. We bought this one on a whim, on our very first step outside the Franks’ box of original.

Where it works: On everything. Especially tequila, tortillas, and tequila tortillas. Also on seafood, like shrimp or fish or other creatures from the sea.

Where it doesn’t: On birthday cake.

FRANK’S® RED HOT® Buffalo Wing Sauce

mmm, wingy


Initial reaction: this is gonna taste like buffalo wings.

Upon further research: It taste just like buffalo wings.
Veggie people will be able to put this on tofu or basically anything, and it tastes like you’re eating chicken wings. We got this as part of a recipe for buffalo chicken dip and loved it so much we doubled the amount the recipe called for, then got another bottle.

Where it works: This shit works on everything. Especially pasta, meat, lasagna, vegetables, legumes, and anything that is food. You have to like the smokey BBQ taste though.

Where it doesn’t: On apple pie. It would however, work on chicken pot pie.

FRANK’S® RED HOT® Sweet Heat

mm.. sweet, no wait, hot!


Initial reaction: This isn’t going to be spicy enough for me.

Upon further research: This isn’t spicy enough…oh..wait, wait…ok there’s the bite.

Despite it’s low ranking on the heat scale, this Frank’s might just be my favourite one yet. The flavour of this one tastes more like wings than the Buffalo Wing Frank’s. It really is sent from the hot sauce Gods.

Where it works: Everything. Even better with eggs, pizza, salads, sauces, or plain straight from the bottle.

Where it doesn’t: In the eyes.

UP NEXT:
FRANK’S® RED HOT® XTra Hot™

Initial reaction: I’m scared.

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