Animal of the Week: Solenodon

November 3, 2011 at 7:46 pm (Animal of the Week, animals, crazy) (, , , , , , , )

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “What. The. Fuck.” I can explain.

The Solendon, which, at first glance, appears to be some sort of anteater mole hybrid birthed from the mind of Tim Burton, is actually a jolly little Cuban creature.

Boots the Monkey, eat your heart out, amiright?

The Solenodon looks so cute.  It looks so pocket sized and manageable. Kind of like a hedgehog but fluffier and sporting a permanent loving and dolphin-like smile.
And hey, here’s another fun fact you may not have realized, that smile is loaded with kisses FUCKING LETHAL VENOM.

I am not even joking. It emits venom through it’s teeth similar to the way a rattlesnake would. Not only that, but apparently it’s on its period 24/7 because it is extremely irritable all the time, and it does not hesitate to bite. Reconsidering this as a pet option?

Everyone thought they were extinct, until scientists discovered a few in 2003. They were found in  a cave and plotting our demise.

There is something to appreciate about a rare and venomous mammal like this, and I’m always grateful for things that eat insects. Some BBC researchers went Solenodon hunting last summer, and found out that Solenodons smell musty, like an old drape or a pocket, they like quiet alone time, and they enjoy trying to bite and scratch BBC people.

It really is kind of cool because they’re quite ancient, and haven’t really evolved. They look the same as they did when they were chilling with dinosaurs 76 million years ago. 


REMEMBER: Their venom is not deadly to humans, just unpleasant. So if you see one, feel free to give into your temptation. Surrender to it’s sweet little face and cuddle it up and love it. Just double bag yourself and it will probably be okay*.

*In some instances the following may occur

Permalink Leave a Comment

Animal of the Week: Spiderman Lizard

September 21, 2009 at 6:52 pm (animals, crazy, trends, Want) (, , , , , , , , , )

watch out here comes the lizard spider man

watch out here comes the lizard spider man

Behold. It is a lizard, and it looks like Spiderman. Nothing could be more perfect, except if it were an actual spider, OR if Spiderman had been Lizardman the whole time. But it’s kind of too late for that now, he’s already too well established as Spiderman. And how would Lizardman become Lizardman? I don’t think they bite. Maybe he could get whiplash from the lizard’s tail, and it breaks the skin or something. Either way, irrelevant.

Oddly enough, in one episode of the retro Spider-Man cartoon, he and the Lizard King were actually enemies. Assuming mating would be out of the question after this, I’m not sure how Spiderman lizard came about.
This guy’s real name is the Mwanza flat-headed rock agama… But isn’t it so much more fun to say Spiderman lizard? I think so.

Facts with suggested additions about the real Spiderman Lizard.

-They’re from Sub-Saharan Africa. (We can say sewers of New York City for argument’s sake though)

-They have a diet of locusts, crickets, mealworms and waxworms. (We can say diet of criminals and street thugs for argument’s sake though)

-They can usually be seen basking on rocks in the heat of the day. (And fighting crime in alleyways in the dead of night)

-They can run on their hind legs and scale walls. (Addition not needed as this is already awesome.)
spiderman_lizard

These apparently make very good pets, as if you weren’t already sold. But good luck getting one, demand is crazy and they’re sold out in most exotic pet stores. Karen Baker, the owner of a reptile specialist store in the UK says, “People are drawn to them because of their unusual colourings.”….. Yeah, maybe…Or because it looks like fucking Spiderman!

The comic fans are the most die-hard in finding this lizard as a pet. But I hope they do thorough research before buying. When the Agamas look cool, they look really cool, but these guys also turn brown a lot. What a disappointment that would be if you weren’t expecting it… Or anytime, really.

Not brown yet, still good

Not brown yet, still good

Permalink 2 Comments

Animal of the Week: Miniature Dwarf Horse. Wha?

August 12, 2009 at 3:25 pm (animals, crazy, News, Want) (, , , , , , , , )

kodaandkitteh
LOOK AT IT. It’s the size of a KITTEH! SO little. So so little. There’s an explanation for that. It’s Koda! He’s an American miniature horse, who was also born a dwarf. Like a really short person who was also born a midget, kind of, not really.
Koda is so small, he is often mistaken for a stuffed toy, or battery operated toy if he’s walking. Standing at only 59cm (AWW) tall, he’s just 13-months old and has suffered a handful of health problems. But he has also pulled through them all, because he is a little. effing. trooper.

His next surgery is extensive dentistry to remove his protruding adult teeth that won’t fit in his little mouth.
‘He’s very brave and takes his medicine like a little man,’ said Dr Andy Lynch (Koda’s vet).

hai guise

hai guise

Permalink Leave a Comment

What’s in your garden?

June 30, 2009 at 3:51 pm (crazy, Design, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , )

I found this cool picture, of radishes with faces carved like Jack-o-lanterns. I think I should uproot the radishes from the ambush, carve these faces, and then replant them. When my neighbor inevitably pulls them up again, he’ll see the faces and it will be UTTER CRAZINESS.

Tim Burton style radishes

Tim Burton style radishes

Permalink Leave a Comment

Operation Radish Ambush: Part II

June 19, 2009 at 2:27 pm (crazy, Good Things, Local, Rage) (, , , , , , )

The ambush, has begun. If you haven’t heard the background, read Operation Radish Ambush Part I.

Senor Loco has been dutifully watering all the plants, but this time I didn’t even mind that I had to walk under the man-made waterfall which is a result of him facing the sprinkler directly at my door, because he was caring for radishes without even knowing he was doing it. Consider it paying his dues for consciously uprooting my previous radish plant.

The Rambush is upon us! Check out how they’re doing.

P1030537
P1030538
P1030539
P1030541
P1030543

Wait ’til the mint gets in there. It’s just the beginning!

Permalink 3 Comments

Operation Radish Ambush Part I

June 13, 2009 at 1:16 pm (crazy, Gossip, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Picture 2
Here’s the background story. My neighbor and I don’t like each other. He is a fucking crazy Mexican, so I will refer to him as Senor Loco instead of his real name. Which is all well and good, because Senor Loco might as well be his real name. He’s been evicted from previous places for fighting with people so I know it’s not just me.
Here is a list of things Senor Loco does on a regular basis:

-Vacuums 3 x a day or more, starting at 6am

-Separates all laundry based not only on colour, but items too. Socks with pants? Never going to happen.

-Also does approximately 3+ loads of laundry per day. Set on full water, and hot. Even if it’s just for 5 washcloths. That actually happened.

-Leaves me angry letters duct taped to the walls of the lobby, filled with CAPS and exclamation marks!!!!

-Faces the sprinkler toward my back door door, and on the steps above, creating a waterfall I have to pass through if I want to leave.
lolcatsprinkler

-Can’t go down the stairs if there’s a footprint on them. Someone has to come clean it before he can step.

-One night the landlord called to make sure I was alive, because “he is the type of person who might, do something…” WTF.

-Windex’s the stairs and door. Every. Day. They’re not glass.

-Screams in Spanish on the phone. Everyday.

-Stole my shoe rack to make a mini gate around his garden (which will soon be ambushed)

-Lurks.

-Waits until our 5ft recycling bin weighs 200lbs, then asks me why I don’t carry it down to the street.

-Calls the landlord to complain about me, then calls me to complain about the landlord.

-Has a different young male partner – not that there’s anything wrong with that – over every single day of the week, who come over in rental cars then are never seen again…

-Broke into my house one time and took my dog.

He basically owns the backyard garden. I’ve accepted that he has completely taken it over, and will admit, thanks to his OCD it looks quite lovely. He plants all his flowers and little mini trees, and I-don’t-know-what plants. He maintains it, waters it when it’s raining (water conservation fail), and keeps everything looking bright.

All that is very nice. I had one, ONE, plant that I cherished. It was a radish plant, and it was seriously awesome. Like a mega radish plant, with apparent super strength that grew really fast and still looked pretty. To give a little perspective, if Batman transformed into a plant, he’d be this radish.

I’ve always wanted to grow a summer vegetable garden, and this year when I finally did, I was enthralled when the radishes especially flourished.
In the back of my head there was a fear that Senor Loco would uproot the precious radishes, due to his constant heavy maintenance of the yard. He would immediately recognize anything alien. Anything NOT planted by him = not welcome. So I circled them with rocks to make them stand out and show that they were obviously something meant to be there, and not weeds or anything like that.

However… The other day, to my HORROR, I saw a bunch of crushed little red things (like my heart) in the dirt on the opposite side of the lawn, and immediately went to check the rock circle.

radish graveyard

radish graveyard


heyy....is something missing?

heyy....is something missing?


As suspected, my radishes were GONE. Uprooted, radishnapped. Enraged, I thought of my options. I could either…
A) calmly inform him of what he’d done.
B) Go mental and rip out all his flowers
C) dump the remainder (and then some) of the seeds throughout the garden, resulting in a surprise epic radish attack in a few weeks, when I will already be moved out.

I figured if I went with A, he wouldn’t really care, and although B was tempting, it’s not the flower’s fault their keeper is batshit crazy.
Thus, Operation Radish Ambush was born.
This guy gets away with quite a bit of ridiculousness, but murdering my radishes is the straw the broke the camel’s back… I think that’s how that expression goes, but what I’m really trying to say is,
FUCK YOU NEIGHBOR, YOU’RE GETTING RADISH AMBUSHED… You’re getting RAMBUSHED.
I’ve also heard that mint, and strawberries spread like swine flu, so maybe I’ll throw in some of those. It will look like Christmas. (Christmas from hell).

PS. YES I’ve gone over the possibilities of animal attacks. It was the Senor.

OPERATION RADISH AMBUSH II

Permalink 2 Comments

All I Want for Christmas…

June 11, 2009 at 7:15 pm (crazy, Design, Good Things, Want) (, , , , , , , )

…is this freakin’ Star Wars toaster

setting: darth

setting: darth

Permalink 1 Comment

Animal of the Week – Alcoholic Vervet Monkeys

June 8, 2009 at 3:10 pm (alcohol, animals, crazy, travel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The coolest animal since the Jerboa. Fast foward to about the 2:00 mark to see drunk monkeys. Yes, they’re monkeys, who DRINK BOOZE. Proof of evolution lies in the eyes and liver of this beautiful creature.
thirstymonkey
They mostly hang out in parts of Africa, though some have made it over to Florida and the Caribbean islands. SIDE NOTE: I’ll be there June 22nd, and will gladly share some cocktails with them.

where the boozemonkeys reside.

where the boozemonkeys reside.

Protect your supply.

Protect your supply.


You can tell the males from the females because the males have blue penises. Whereas the females, have no penises.

Just like that fake vegetarian you know, the majority of their diet is grass and fruits, though they sometimes eat small insects. They have to drink every day, unfortunately most days this is just water. But for this reason, they never stray too far from rivers, lakes, and keg parties. drunkmonkey-1
In St. Kitts they’ve been known to steal brightly coloured boozy drinks from the tourists. If the monkey feels like his safety or drink is threatened, it will hunt you down and BITE your finger off, so if tourists drinks get taken there’s not much they can do about it.

You know that douchebag from the bar who gets wasted and wants to sing Bon Jovi karaoke then fight everyone? That’s exactly how these monkeys can get. At first they seem so fun, maybe even kind of cute, great to party with. But don’t touch their drinks, don’t look at their babies.

Fun fact: a Python can swallow a vervet monkey whole. WOW. So there you go, if you’re scared of the vervet monkeys, carry a Python.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Jam with Tamarama

June 5, 2009 at 2:18 pm (crazy, Good Things, Gossip, kate, Music, News, Shout outs, Toronto, Want) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Jay and Pottsy of Tamarama

Jay and Pottsy of Tamarama


So, my roomie Hilary and I went to a Darfur benefit concert this Tuesday at the Berkeley Heritage Church, featuring Australian import band, Tamarama.
You might recognize the frontman, Jay, from MTV’s The City. Once we managed to get past the fact that we were surrounded by swooning 16 year old girls, it was pretty fun. The bar was barren though so we had to make our way across the street to a very shady bar called Buffalo’s, where we got into an argument with a man about the skillset of Lady Gaga, and discussed the Dixie Chicks. Then his girlfriend threatened to beat us up, for allowing conversation.
ANYHOO. The show was fun, but what was more fun was coincidentally befriending the band’s manager, who allowed us our own meet and greet session.
4some

4some

. Everyone was soo excited to meet Jay and Pottsy because they are former models and Jay was on The City, AND dated the hottest girl alive, my favourite VS model. We were equally excited to meet the other guys too, the forgotten ones!
sweet little Jasper, we wouldn't forget you

sweet little Jasper, we wouldn't forget you


During our meet and greet, we half jokingly suggested they come to a bar with us, since we were probably the only girls in there of legal drinking age. And he proceeded to say the single greatest possible word that could have come out of his mouth at that exact moment…”Okay.”…. Wait, what? Now the pressure was on to think of a hip enough bar to impress them with, but the first suggestion that came out was, “not Buffalo’s”. Knowing where NOT to go is at least a start. I said if this actually happened I would eat my ticket.
P1030405
Anyways, we ended up at the Drake Hotel, pretty snazzy. There was tequila, it got pretty sloppy, especially for a Tuesday night. We left Jay the hot aussie in a pool of admirers (how the eff did they get in, does the Drake only ID on weekends?) got some drunk pizza which was in a word, awesome, and made it home in time to sleep for an hour before work. W00t!
post-tequila

post-tequila


We did it all for the good cause! 100% of ticket sales went to benefit Darfur.
the band

the band

Permalink Leave a Comment

The Jerboa is the best animal ever discovered

May 29, 2009 at 3:52 pm (animals, crazy, random, Want) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Jerboa3
Imagine the possibilities if a kangaroo and a mouse ever got hammered one night and ended up hooking up. Then, they experimented with some mind altering drugs, and called over a rabbit to join them. The result may look something like this…
jerboajump
It is a long-eared Jerboa and it is magical. It resides in Asia and Northern Africa, Egypt, and is described as a jumping desert rodent. Their ears are one of their more prominent features, and ear sizes range from BIG ears

Dumbo ears

Dumbo ears

to little ears.
wtf you lookin at

little ears


So far what I’ve learned about them is…
-They’re awesome
-Nocturnal
-They like sand
-Hop a lot
-Some eat seeds and plants, others eat insects, and some are omnivores. They’re just like us!
-The Egyptian Jerboas rely on their food to provide them with moisture, so they do not drink at all and never get invited to parties.
-2 species are considered threatened: the 5-toed Pygmy Jerboa and the thick-tailed Pygmy Jerboa.
My personal favorite is the Long-eared Jerboa. See? Even a freaking zoologist called them extraordinary!
Four-toed Jerboa looks like a peanut

Four-toed Jerboa looks like a peanut

Permalink 1 Comment

Next page »