Is this really a competition you want to win?

March 9, 2010 at 8:38 pm (Local, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“Ugh, I can’t believe she thought she was sicker than me. I am obviously the sick one.”

you threw up for 2 hours? Well I threw up for 9

…Is what I had to listen to on the 501 streetcar the other morning (my ipod was dead), and it isn’t the first time. I can understand that many people are competitive by nature, but it’s usually about achievements, contests, and personal goals, whatever. The part that makes me wonder about our sanity, is that natural human instinct to get competitive about anything and everything, even things we wouldn’t want at all.

Let’s take winter ailments for example. If one has a cough, the other has a cough and a sore throat, then wait, a third party jumps in with a cough, sore throat, and fever. Back to an update on patient #1, now both their legs are broken, on top of the cold. This just in, patient #2’s cough and dry throat are still lingering, legs broken, and oh my god, they’ve just burst into flames! Congrats to patient #2, taking the win with spontaneous combustion.

There can’t really be a desire to be more physically weak, or ill, than another person, can there? Technically wouldn’t this mean you’re in fact, the one losing? Then why do people still feel the need to outdo one another in these categories? I guess it’s not always about being the best or the healthiest, it seems to be just being more EXTREEMME, whether that’s a positive or a negative. It’s the need to “beat” somebody else at what they’re doing or even what their current ailment is.

So let’s calm down, shut the eff up, take our vitamins and always make sure the music device is fully charged before leaving the house.

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I eat snacks like my shoe size

February 2, 2010 at 2:54 am (Food) (, , , )

One of the greatest snacks in the world, in my opinion, is dry cereal out of a Ziploc bag. Sometimes eating this makes me feel FML, because that’s what toddlers eat. It’s just so damn good, and portable, and easy, and satisfying. Also, at the end of the day cereal isn’t all that bad for you. It’s not like I’m eating cake batter out of a Ziploc bag, right?
That is all.

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MTV pulls Snooki punch out scene from Jersey Shore

December 14, 2009 at 4:54 pm (MTV, News) (, , , , , , , , , , )


I don’t agree with violence against women – or against men & children – but this, is a disappointment of epic proportion. Not because I wanted to see anyone get hurt, but… Okay kind of, but MTV has been using that clip as advertisement for the show, and I think anticipation of that moment is a partial explanation for it’s exceptionally high ratings.
It’s a good thing that most of us have already seen the clip of Jersey Shore resident, “Snooki”, taking a punch straight to the face from some random club Guido. And it’s a seriously a hard punch, he probably knocked the spray tan right off of her.

I'm aiight


“After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context to not show the severity of this act or the resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air Snooki being physically punched in next week’s episode. The show will still make it clear what events transpired, including the full aftermath.”
You can read more (and see the clip!) here.
I was watching Entertainment Tonight , and though it’s not document in that link, Snooki went on record saying she thinks it’s a good thing the clip gets aired, so girls know that something like that can happen to any of them… I don’t know. I think it can probably only happen to Jersey Shore girls.

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Hell No H1N1

October 29, 2009 at 8:14 pm (Local, media craziness, News, Toronto) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Did you know that the letters in H1N1 stand for Hell, and No?… Well they do. So..
needle
Will you be getting the H1N1 vaccine? Can they really make it mandatory? It feels like they are trying to force people using what else, scare tactics. It’s easy. When people are both scared, and in mass numbers, they’ll listen to whatever you tell them to do. Out of the 10,456 confirmed cases in Canada, 90-something have died. And just to put things in perspective.. The REGULAR flu kills 36,000 Americans every year, for reals yo. Nobody really panics about that, what’s up?

pig-with-mask-300x275

pls pet me I am not contagious


Don’t bow down to the fear mongering. Swine flu is hardly different than the regular flu that nobody seems to be losing their shit over. The government probably wants those crazy H1N1 vaccine lineups to be insane so they can justify spending the insane amount of money. They want to pump everyone full of both fear and a sketchy new untested vaccine. EVEN THIS RANDOM DOCTOR SAYS SO

I think my good friend Maddox sums things up pretty nicely…
Read “I Hope I Get Swine Flu”

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Operation Radish Ambush Part I

June 13, 2009 at 1:16 pm (crazy, Gossip, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Picture 2
Here’s the background story. My neighbor and I don’t like each other. He is a fucking crazy Mexican, so I will refer to him as Senor Loco instead of his real name. Which is all well and good, because Senor Loco might as well be his real name. He’s been evicted from previous places for fighting with people so I know it’s not just me.
Here is a list of things Senor Loco does on a regular basis:

-Vacuums 3 x a day or more, starting at 6am

-Separates all laundry based not only on colour, but items too. Socks with pants? Never going to happen.

-Also does approximately 3+ loads of laundry per day. Set on full water, and hot. Even if it’s just for 5 washcloths. That actually happened.

-Leaves me angry letters duct taped to the walls of the lobby, filled with CAPS and exclamation marks!!!!

-Faces the sprinkler toward my back door door, and on the steps above, creating a waterfall I have to pass through if I want to leave.
lolcatsprinkler

-Can’t go down the stairs if there’s a footprint on them. Someone has to come clean it before he can step.

-One night the landlord called to make sure I was alive, because “he is the type of person who might, do something…” WTF.

-Windex’s the stairs and door. Every. Day. They’re not glass.

-Screams in Spanish on the phone. Everyday.

-Stole my shoe rack to make a mini gate around his garden (which will soon be ambushed)

-Lurks.

-Waits until our 5ft recycling bin weighs 200lbs, then asks me why I don’t carry it down to the street.

-Calls the landlord to complain about me, then calls me to complain about the landlord.

-Has a different young male partner – not that there’s anything wrong with that – over every single day of the week, who come over in rental cars then are never seen again…

-Broke into my house one time and took my dog.

He basically owns the backyard garden. I’ve accepted that he has completely taken it over, and will admit, thanks to his OCD it looks quite lovely. He plants all his flowers and little mini trees, and I-don’t-know-what plants. He maintains it, waters it when it’s raining (water conservation fail), and keeps everything looking bright.

All that is very nice. I had one, ONE, plant that I cherished. It was a radish plant, and it was seriously awesome. Like a mega radish plant, with apparent super strength that grew really fast and still looked pretty. To give a little perspective, if Batman transformed into a plant, he’d be this radish.

I’ve always wanted to grow a summer vegetable garden, and this year when I finally did, I was enthralled when the radishes especially flourished.
In the back of my head there was a fear that Senor Loco would uproot the precious radishes, due to his constant heavy maintenance of the yard. He would immediately recognize anything alien. Anything NOT planted by him = not welcome. So I circled them with rocks to make them stand out and show that they were obviously something meant to be there, and not weeds or anything like that.

However… The other day, to my HORROR, I saw a bunch of crushed little red things (like my heart) in the dirt on the opposite side of the lawn, and immediately went to check the rock circle.

radish graveyard

radish graveyard


heyy....is something missing?

heyy....is something missing?


As suspected, my radishes were GONE. Uprooted, radishnapped. Enraged, I thought of my options. I could either…
A) calmly inform him of what he’d done.
B) Go mental and rip out all his flowers
C) dump the remainder (and then some) of the seeds throughout the garden, resulting in a surprise epic radish attack in a few weeks, when I will already be moved out.

I figured if I went with A, he wouldn’t really care, and although B was tempting, it’s not the flower’s fault their keeper is batshit crazy.
Thus, Operation Radish Ambush was born.
This guy gets away with quite a bit of ridiculousness, but murdering my radishes is the straw the broke the camel’s back… I think that’s how that expression goes, but what I’m really trying to say is,
FUCK YOU NEIGHBOR, YOU’RE GETTING RADISH AMBUSHED… You’re getting RAMBUSHED.
I’ve also heard that mint, and strawberries spread like swine flu, so maybe I’ll throw in some of those. It will look like Christmas. (Christmas from hell).

PS. YES I’ve gone over the possibilities of animal attacks. It was the Senor.

OPERATION RADISH AMBUSH II

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Great New & Inventive Recipes!

April 27, 2009 at 8:24 pm (crazy, Food) (, , , , , )

WOW
so many uses for bacon. You know, the pig really is a magical creature, bacon, ham, pork chops, swine flu, it just keeps on giving.

Behold! The Bacone

Behold! "The Bacone"

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Bell tech support

April 21, 2009 at 5:06 pm (Failing, Tech) (, , , , , , , , , )

I predicted talking to Bell tech support would be an epic fail so I decided to record it.

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