Is this really a competition you want to win?

March 9, 2010 at 8:38 pm (Local, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“Ugh, I can’t believe she thought she was sicker than me. I am obviously the sick one.”

you threw up for 2 hours? Well I threw up for 9

…Is what I had to listen to on the 501 streetcar the other morning (my ipod was dead), and it isn’t the first time. I can understand that many people are competitive by nature, but it’s usually about achievements, contests, and personal goals, whatever. The part that makes me wonder about our sanity, is that natural human instinct to get competitive about anything and everything, even things we wouldn’t want at all.

Let’s take winter ailments for example. If one has a cough, the other has a cough and a sore throat, then wait, a third party jumps in with a cough, sore throat, and fever. Back to an update on patient #1, now both their legs are broken, on top of the cold. This just in, patient #2’s cough and dry throat are still lingering, legs broken, and oh my god, they’ve just burst into flames! Congrats to patient #2, taking the win with spontaneous combustion.

There can’t really be a desire to be more physically weak, or ill, than another person, can there? Technically wouldn’t this mean you’re in fact, the one losing? Then why do people still feel the need to outdo one another in these categories? I guess it’s not always about being the best or the healthiest, it seems to be just being more EXTREEMME, whether that’s a positive or a negative. It’s the need to “beat” somebody else at what they’re doing or even what their current ailment is.

So let’s calm down, shut the eff up, take our vitamins and always make sure the music device is fully charged before leaving the house.

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The Hills/City Finale Wrap-up

December 2, 2009 at 7:29 pm (MTV, Rage) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

I’ll begin with the short version. It was disappointing. Both The Hills and The City were not unlike any other regular episodes. Neither of them felt like a finale of any kind. I am not pleased, because I spent a good chunk of time debating on which one I would lend my attention to, Hills/City, or the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show which was airing at the same time. I chose Hills, because I thought it would be entertaining, and would also leave me much less guilty about the bag of candy in my lap.
For those of you missed it, here’s the rundown. For those who still plan on watching it, look away now. Unless of course, you don’t give a shit or can predict what happened anyway, even though it was nothing. NOTHING HAPPENED!

The Hills

Okay. So first, Spencer and Brody are playing basketball while Spencer bitches about his evil, scheming wife. First of all, when did they even become friends again? Second, sure Spencer has right to complain about his wife trying to trick him into fatherhood, but how many shady things has he done before? He painted her apartment with graffiti, surprised her with a pinball machine (she didn’t like the pinball so it was probably more for him), picked out their house before she could get a say, and made her shut her mother out of her life. He’s pretty much the devil. I hope they don’t have that child. I think she will become pregnant in 2012 and that’s how the world will end.
Hmm then what happened… Heidi got some extensions, Audrina met with Justin Bobby and complained a lot. Neither myself, nor Justin know or care what she was talking about.

Then Kristin was all, bitching about leaving her sweet summer Barbie beach home, with Stacie the bartender who was apparently a squatter there. Who shows up to her house but Justin Bobby!

He was all like, “you do special things to me, be my girlfriend.”, and Kristin said “Okai fine.”
THENN.. Jade and Brody were at an engagement party, and Jade’s friend planted seeds in her brain that stemmed into thoughts of engagement and babies with Brody. Jade got whatever Heidi has and asked him about vomiting committing, but Brody was not having it. He was like, “Bitch, whatchu talkin’ about we just got back together an hour ago!”. On a side note, does anyone remember when he dated Nicole Richie?

That’s strange. Brody also told some of his friends that he might still want to do Kristin.
Moving on, I forget. But trust me it was nothing explosive. Lots of lead-ins with no results. The whole episode felt like when you’re about to sneeze but then you just, don’t.


The City was marginally better than The Hills. Here’s what happened. Whitney designed her own clothes and Kelly Cutrone, who I both love and fear intensely, said she was Whitney’s bitch and will help her get a meeting with supermegaimportant Bergdorf Goodman. Kelly was like, “Don’t bring your bogan friend Roxy who screws everything up”

Bogan


Whitney went against the wise Ms. Cutrone’s advice and brought Roxy anyways. She wasn’t soo bad, but any good behavior is canceled out thanks to her epic fails at the photoshoot last week. Including spilling champagne on one of Whitney’s dresses. It was technically the model that spilt it, but Roxy made her hold and pop the bottle open, and models are trained to take direction. Bergdorf Goodman basically reamed Whitney out and said she used weird material and her dresses make girls look fat.
Over at Elle Magazine, Erin was a huge bitch.

I look innocent but I'm loca


She went back and re-did Olivia’s work, then when Joe asked Olivia about the new work, she didn’t know shit. Meaning Joe also didn’t know shit. And went on air… Not knowing shit. Which means when he was talking on the Today Show he was basically making shit up, and (as my Grandma would say) flying by the seat of his pants. So Remember that… Anytime you watch a talk show, people talking on it may be bullshitting.
They all went to the principal’s office (Joe Zee’s office) for a little sit down and both Erin and Olivia turned 15. They bitched and swore and Erin was all, “choose me or her cause I don’t wanna work with her and she’s not invited to my birthday party.”

Joe had to remind them this wasn’t high school, and then Erin ran out of the room. Olivia said some bullshit I forget. And I think that was the end.

pure hatred


Pretty sure that was the only stuff that happened. But there’s more nothingness to enjoy because Whitney says the City has another season!! How? Why? I don’t know. Will I watch it? Yes.

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What’s in your garden?

June 30, 2009 at 3:51 pm (crazy, Design, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , )

I found this cool picture, of radishes with faces carved like Jack-o-lanterns. I think I should uproot the radishes from the ambush, carve these faces, and then replant them. When my neighbor inevitably pulls them up again, he’ll see the faces and it will be UTTER CRAZINESS.

Tim Burton style radishes

Tim Burton style radishes

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Operation Radish Ambush: Part II

June 19, 2009 at 2:27 pm (crazy, Good Things, Local, Rage) (, , , , , , )

The ambush, has begun. If you haven’t heard the background, read Operation Radish Ambush Part I.

Senor Loco has been dutifully watering all the plants, but this time I didn’t even mind that I had to walk under the man-made waterfall which is a result of him facing the sprinkler directly at my door, because he was caring for radishes without even knowing he was doing it. Consider it paying his dues for consciously uprooting my previous radish plant.

The Rambush is upon us! Check out how they’re doing.

P1030537
P1030538
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P1030541
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Wait ’til the mint gets in there. It’s just the beginning!

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Operation Radish Ambush Part I

June 13, 2009 at 1:16 pm (crazy, Gossip, Rage, random) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Picture 2
Here’s the background story. My neighbor and I don’t like each other. He is a fucking crazy Mexican, so I will refer to him as Senor Loco instead of his real name. Which is all well and good, because Senor Loco might as well be his real name. He’s been evicted from previous places for fighting with people so I know it’s not just me.
Here is a list of things Senor Loco does on a regular basis:

-Vacuums 3 x a day or more, starting at 6am

-Separates all laundry based not only on colour, but items too. Socks with pants? Never going to happen.

-Also does approximately 3+ loads of laundry per day. Set on full water, and hot. Even if it’s just for 5 washcloths. That actually happened.

-Leaves me angry letters duct taped to the walls of the lobby, filled with CAPS and exclamation marks!!!!

-Faces the sprinkler toward my back door door, and on the steps above, creating a waterfall I have to pass through if I want to leave.
lolcatsprinkler

-Can’t go down the stairs if there’s a footprint on them. Someone has to come clean it before he can step.

-One night the landlord called to make sure I was alive, because “he is the type of person who might, do something…” WTF.

-Windex’s the stairs and door. Every. Day. They’re not glass.

-Screams in Spanish on the phone. Everyday.

-Stole my shoe rack to make a mini gate around his garden (which will soon be ambushed)

-Lurks.

-Waits until our 5ft recycling bin weighs 200lbs, then asks me why I don’t carry it down to the street.

-Calls the landlord to complain about me, then calls me to complain about the landlord.

-Has a different young male partner – not that there’s anything wrong with that – over every single day of the week, who come over in rental cars then are never seen again…

-Broke into my house one time and took my dog.

He basically owns the backyard garden. I’ve accepted that he has completely taken it over, and will admit, thanks to his OCD it looks quite lovely. He plants all his flowers and little mini trees, and I-don’t-know-what plants. He maintains it, waters it when it’s raining (water conservation fail), and keeps everything looking bright.

All that is very nice. I had one, ONE, plant that I cherished. It was a radish plant, and it was seriously awesome. Like a mega radish plant, with apparent super strength that grew really fast and still looked pretty. To give a little perspective, if Batman transformed into a plant, he’d be this radish.

I’ve always wanted to grow a summer vegetable garden, and this year when I finally did, I was enthralled when the radishes especially flourished.
In the back of my head there was a fear that Senor Loco would uproot the precious radishes, due to his constant heavy maintenance of the yard. He would immediately recognize anything alien. Anything NOT planted by him = not welcome. So I circled them with rocks to make them stand out and show that they were obviously something meant to be there, and not weeds or anything like that.

However… The other day, to my HORROR, I saw a bunch of crushed little red things (like my heart) in the dirt on the opposite side of the lawn, and immediately went to check the rock circle.

radish graveyard

radish graveyard


heyy....is something missing?

heyy....is something missing?


As suspected, my radishes were GONE. Uprooted, radishnapped. Enraged, I thought of my options. I could either…
A) calmly inform him of what he’d done.
B) Go mental and rip out all his flowers
C) dump the remainder (and then some) of the seeds throughout the garden, resulting in a surprise epic radish attack in a few weeks, when I will already be moved out.

I figured if I went with A, he wouldn’t really care, and although B was tempting, it’s not the flower’s fault their keeper is batshit crazy.
Thus, Operation Radish Ambush was born.
This guy gets away with quite a bit of ridiculousness, but murdering my radishes is the straw the broke the camel’s back… I think that’s how that expression goes, but what I’m really trying to say is,
FUCK YOU NEIGHBOR, YOU’RE GETTING RADISH AMBUSHED… You’re getting RAMBUSHED.
I’ve also heard that mint, and strawberries spread like swine flu, so maybe I’ll throw in some of those. It will look like Christmas. (Christmas from hell).

PS. YES I’ve gone over the possibilities of animal attacks. It was the Senor.

OPERATION RADISH AMBUSH II

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