May 19, 2011 at 4:09 pm (Food, Good Things, Reviews) (, , , , , , , )

Bread is perhaps the most classic of foods,

Jesus broke it, we have it in different ways at different occasions. We have it with soup, spreads, and fill up on it before meals at restaurants. There’s rye bread

robbing old ladies for rye

, Challah bread (SO good, thank you Jewish people) , and probably lots of other breads.

All this time while bread is basking in glory, off in a lonely fruit stand corner, or perhaps sitting atop some elaborate tropical headgear, there is the banana.

To whoever decided these two food items would make a good couple, you are a genius, and you will make me fat.

BUT NOT WITH THIS KIND! There’s no butter OR oil, cause it’s all healthy ‘n’ shit – but still delicious.

This version is fun, colourful, and inventive. It will be as if original banana bread had a sexy second cousin named Blueberry, and maybe they do things at night because they’re not blood related, so there’s a chance their offspring will turn out okay.

classic banana bread requires for you to use bananas as black as a night sky in the wilderness, or like a banana that has been sitting out too long.

Combine 2 eggs with 3 disgusting bananas and MASHY!

In another bowl, combine 2 cups of flour, a teaspoon of salt, 3/4 cup white sugar, and a teaspoon of baking soda….

What the hell does baking soda do anyway? I don’t know. Just stir it in and accept it for the mystery it is.


By the way, you should have pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees like 10 minutes ago…
Dump the banana-egg mixture into the flour mixture.

This mix can get a little dry
with the whole, no oil thing, so add 1/4 cup of milk if you’re feelin it.

Now, rebel against the standard rules of banana bread. This part of the procedure is the PARTY. Make your banana bread like a fucking pinata if you want!

Don’t let tradition hold you back, you can add stuff like cinnamon, nutmeg, applesauce, walnuts, other nuts, something crazy like coconut, I added blueberries AND chocolate chips
Now, if you want muffins, pour into a buttered muffin pan, if you want bread, pour into a bread pan, aaaand oven it up for 20-30 minutes.

I chose muffins.

Stick a toothpick in to make sure it comes out clean and they aren’t mush in the centers. When your muffins are done and your house smells amazing, you may or may not wish to add decoration to the tops before they cool. I used Banana Chips.

It was a good choice.


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We tried every kind of Frank’s Red Hot

March 26, 2010 at 5:38 pm (Food, Reviews) (, , , , , , , , , , )

When I see that little old lady in Frank’s Red Hot commercials who says, “I put that shit on everything,” it’s just like looking into the future.

I wholeheartedly believe that that shit can be put on everything. Stir-fry, salads, mixed into dipping sauces, pizza, on top of crackers, cereal, in cocktails, on steamed vegetables, on cheese slices, as chip dip, ice cream topper, when I say I put it on everything, I’m not playing around. My roommate and I go through Frank’s weekly.
Which is why we decided to branch out, and accept that Frank’s does in fact come in a variety of flavours.

FRANK’S® RED HOT® Chile and Lime

mmm, Limey

Initial reaction: You can’t add lime to Frank’s, that’s sabotage.

Upon further research: Alright so maybe the lime adds an interesting tang to the spiciness. We bought this one on a whim, on our very first step outside the Franks’ box of original.

Where it works: On everything. Especially tequila, tortillas, and tequila tortillas. Also on seafood, like shrimp or fish or other creatures from the sea.

Where it doesn’t: On birthday cake.

FRANK’S® RED HOT® Buffalo Wing Sauce

mmm, wingy

Initial reaction: this is gonna taste like buffalo wings.

Upon further research: It taste just like buffalo wings.
Veggie people will be able to put this on tofu or basically anything, and it tastes like you’re eating chicken wings. We got this as part of a recipe for buffalo chicken dip and loved it so much we doubled the amount the recipe called for, then got another bottle.

Where it works: This shit works on everything. Especially pasta, meat, lasagna, vegetables, legumes, and anything that is food. You have to like the smokey BBQ taste though.

Where it doesn’t: On apple pie. It would however, work on chicken pot pie.

FRANK’S® RED HOT® Sweet Heat

mm.. sweet, no wait, hot!

Initial reaction: This isn’t going to be spicy enough for me.

Upon further research: This isn’t spicy enough…oh..wait, wait…ok there’s the bite.

Despite it’s low ranking on the heat scale, this Frank’s might just be my favourite one yet. The flavour of this one tastes more like wings than the Buffalo Wing Frank’s. It really is sent from the hot sauce Gods.

Where it works: Everything. Even better with eggs, pizza, salads, sauces, or plain straight from the bottle.

Where it doesn’t: In the eyes.


Initial reaction: I’m scared.

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The 8th Wonder of the World

May 22, 2009 at 5:54 pm (crazy, Food, Want) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

I just jizzed in my pants. You know how in Chicago they have those crazy deep dish pizzas? While perusing various food blogs on teh internets, I have discovered what appears to be… A deep dish cookie… A deep dish fucking cookie.



I know what you’re thinking… How do I make this, and why isn’t it in my mouth. Well, here is a detailed recipe of delicious craziness. Get your fat pants on!


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Great New & Inventive Recipes!

April 27, 2009 at 8:24 pm (crazy, Food) (, , , , , )

so many uses for bacon. You know, the pig really is a magical creature, bacon, ham, pork chops, swine flu, it just keeps on giving.

Behold! The Bacone

Behold! "The Bacone"

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Makeshift Cake….Cakeshift, if you will.

October 10, 2008 at 1:30 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

*So this is an old note, but i’m importing it here anyway to take up some space, and it’s fun. It kinda falls apart a bit at the end, but ah well what are you gonna do.

Sometimes, you just want to experiment in the kitchen. You can put ingredients in beakers too, wear a lab coat and pretend you’re a mad scientist, or regular scientist, whatever you want. The point is, you’re creating something original and potentially delicious.

The first rule when baking a cake is knowing the difference between Celsius and Fahrenheit. Confusing the two may have devastating results on the outcome of your cake. So the first thing you wanna do is turn on the oven (or incubator if you’re playing mad scientist) to 350 F (175 C). If you mix those up, the way I never have before, you’ll get either a shriveled black crispy smelly cake, or a liquid cake, like that one that wasn’t mine. At least if you get the liquid kind, you can say it’s a pudding cake and was totally intentional. For example, I made a pudding cake one time and it was absolutely the best cake I’ve ever eaten with a spoon.

So you’re going to want to get out a massive bowl, put in a few cups of everyone’s favorite white happy powder, sugar. You also want something to make your cake different than the average cake, something special, something you can sing a song to just by spelling it’s name, and something there’s always room for. How about JELLO? Ingenious, pick any kind you want and toss in the dry powder mix, I pick strawberry. This shit’s not going to hold itself together, so now add in 80 eggs and a cup of butter. I know what you’re thinking, 80 seems high. Well you’re right. I meant 4 eggs. I kinda overshot it with the 80 thing, but I’m trying to teach you that cooking is about trial and error, so it’s okay.

Next you can practice a little rage therapy by beating those eggs in there, just 4 remember, keeping it to 4 is critical. Hold off on the other 76 and make a giant omelet or more cakes. If you’ve ever played the game Cake Mania, it will be just like that. Next comes a cup of milk, but it should be room temperature, so leave it out for a little bit, not long enough to curdle though, we’re not making cheesecake. Sorry if that’s a disappointment.

It gets a little obscure now, but it’s gonna be great. Add a dab of vanilla extract to ½ cup of strawberry puree. Smell the vanilla before adding it. Smelling it is not vital to the recipe, but it’s just nice. I don’t feel like finishing this right now, so just go ahead and eat the dough. I’m sure it will still be pretty good.

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