Makeshift Cake….Cakeshift, if you will.

October 10, 2008 at 1:30 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

*So this is an old note, but i’m importing it here anyway to take up some space, and it’s fun. It kinda falls apart a bit at the end, but ah well what are you gonna do.

Sometimes, you just want to experiment in the kitchen. You can put ingredients in beakers too, wear a lab coat and pretend you’re a mad scientist, or regular scientist, whatever you want. The point is, you’re creating something original and potentially delicious.

The first rule when baking a cake is knowing the difference between Celsius and Fahrenheit. Confusing the two may have devastating results on the outcome of your cake. So the first thing you wanna do is turn on the oven (or incubator if you’re playing mad scientist) to 350 F (175 C). If you mix those up, the way I never have before, you’ll get either a shriveled black crispy smelly cake, or a liquid cake, like that one that wasn’t mine. At least if you get the liquid kind, you can say it’s a pudding cake and was totally intentional. For example, I made a pudding cake one time and it was absolutely the best cake I’ve ever eaten with a spoon.

So you’re going to want to get out a massive bowl, put in a few cups of everyone’s favorite white happy powder, sugar. You also want something to make your cake different than the average cake, something special, something you can sing a song to just by spelling it’s name, and something there’s always room for. How about JELLO? Ingenious, pick any kind you want and toss in the dry powder mix, I pick strawberry. This shit’s not going to hold itself together, so now add in 80 eggs and a cup of butter. I know what you’re thinking, 80 seems high. Well you’re right. I meant 4 eggs. I kinda overshot it with the 80 thing, but I’m trying to teach you that cooking is about trial and error, so it’s okay.

Next you can practice a little rage therapy by beating those eggs in there, just 4 remember, keeping it to 4 is critical. Hold off on the other 76 and make a giant omelet or more cakes. If you’ve ever played the game Cake Mania, it will be just like that. Next comes a cup of milk, but it should be room temperature, so leave it out for a little bit, not long enough to curdle though, we’re not making cheesecake. Sorry if that’s a disappointment.

It gets a little obscure now, but it’s gonna be great. Add a dab of vanilla extract to ½ cup of strawberry puree. Smell the vanilla before adding it. Smelling it is not vital to the recipe, but it’s just nice. I don’t feel like finishing this right now, so just go ahead and eat the dough. I’m sure it will still be pretty good.


1 Comment

  1. Padre d'ekatya said,

    My baking momentum, considerable if imaginary, braked precipitously at the introduction of 80 eggs, a focus-shifting concept that sends one down the related question road where cakes go unbaked. How many chickens does it take to lay 80 eggs? What is the tonnage? And perhaps most important — what came first? It is, like a galactic census or beach sand grain count, difficult to even comprehend 80 eggs. Would it fit in your refrigerator? In all the refrigerators on your block? What size animal could have its arteries clogged by the cholesterol in 80 eggs? Horse? Water buffalo? Velociraptor

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